Desensitizing is a process. Angst is an intermediate feeling. I ask myself why, after I tried so hard to be so nice and to be so creative and thoughtful and resourceful and kind and sensitive, why I was rejected by someone I had so much respect for. Well, I deserved it, that’s why. But I go to that angst anyway, and I take that big eraser and rub out the feeling, and now it is just a word that has no meaning, and the rejection is an act that has no meaning. I can write about this because I have already gone through it months ago.
I think the rejection came from a heart that has the hesitancy to trust, mated to a mind that says, “hey, this has to stop.” Sometimes people don’t take a course expected. It is easy not to trust in an outcome. It is easy not to trust the process that people take to get to that outcome. It is easier to manipulate a premature result. It is easier to control the situation. It is easier to put an end to a relationship and to build a wall with a big sign on it that says, “End of Conversation.” And it is even easier when I deserved it, which I did.
I just love this shit. It’s so growth enhancing, and I am so happy to be a part of it.