4/6/2018 I spent some time in my subconscious farm today. I found my weaknesses spread around the farm in boxes. Each box was labeled. The labels were familiar reactions, like “shame,” and “insecurity,” and “lack of confidence.” The girl who attends my farm was there. She handed me a screwdriver. “Use this to take the lids off the boxes,” she guided. I began removing the first lid. It came off easily, and as I lifted the top after the last screw was loose the sides fell away. “Just take the tops off,” she said, “and the rest will fall into place.” She walked away, but was back soon after I found a screw that had been ruined. She handed me a hammer so I could tap it. Then a pair of vice grips so I could grab it and wrench it around until it came out. I finally got that box of insecurity open. “You were all boxed in there, but now you are free.” She explained to me that by placing my feelings in a box I was unable to progress.
I tackled the next box, “lack of confidence.” The lid was held tight with three-times as many screws. Some had to be drilled out. The attendant handed me a drill for the job. I struggled, but with pressure and patience the lid came off. It felt good. Now was time for the last box, “Join Humanity.” I had lived my youth and most of my adult life in a religion that taught its members to avoid integration into humanity. The tendency to do so was still ingrained into my soul. The lid on this box was held tight by even more screws than the last. Each head of each screw had been shaven smooth. I had to drill through until I broke the screw from within, all the while applying enough pressure to get through it all and keeping counter-pressure on the other side of the box lid so the box didn’t tip over.
After the last screw tore apart inside the cavern it had been sunk into, I prepared to take a sigh of relief and let the box fall apart. The attendant handed me a chisel. The lid was glued on. It was the hardest glue I had ever come across. I hammered and hammered. The lid would not budge open until I had chiseled through the last strand of resined glue.
I opened my eyes and the world seemed just a little brighter. Not just that, but I felt more centered. I had shed weaknesses. I felt lighter. I felt more a part of the whole.