”I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes.”
It’s all that and more. Through meditation, I have learned to stay still and conscious and get into my subconscious mind, where there is some faulty programming, and fix that programming. Each time it happens it is a beautiful feeling. I mean a really beautiful, heartwarming, rush of a feeling. I go back about forty or fifty years to the time when I received the worst programming and find something that causes me to act in a way I recognize is wrong. I sit with my younger self and work through the “whys” and the “hows” my mind is wired that way. Then I reprogram the old input. That is when the rush comes, a rush of forty or fifty years of feelings, reprogrammed as memories of empowerment, fill my heart and mind and electrify every cell in my body. And that is when I know that when I open my eyes I will be more awake than I ever had been.
And this is how it all works, how that programming actually takes place…
I sat to meditate tonight. I realized that I want to strike back at those who hurt me, reject me. I looked for the time in my life when I was programmed to act out in that way. I was not taught to love at home. I found that time when I was around the age of ten when my mother and her husband and I lived on a boat. Love was not fostered in the space we shared together. I looked for a way to change that programming. There was a mechanic at the gas dock of the marina I lived at. His name was Jaime. He fixed boat engines and repaired whatever was in need of repairing for fishing boats and equipment that happened to end up at the dock. He let me follow him around tonight. He had a grease gun, and it had the words LOVE on it. “I just add love to everything and everything just works,” he said to me with a smile.
I ran up to Jack, the night guard, and asked him to show me his billy club. It was a feather. “I just love people, and they behave themselves,” he winked. I heard a voice tell me, “This is your programming, to love, listen to it.” I knew this was so much better than what I got at home. I knew if I locked on to this I could replace that old programing to strike back.
I saw Karl Burton, who used to serve me a cola and talk my ear off. “Why did you do that?” I asked him. Because I wanted to show you, love. You needed it.” I heard that voice tell me, “This is your programming, to love, listen to it.” Mr. James, the marina owner, leaned forward over his big desk. “You think I would let you sit in my office and listen to my phone calls and talk with you if I didn’t have love within me?” He looked at me almost sternly, but with hope. “Have some yourself.”
There were so many people in that marina who showed me, love. So many who had visited me just a few months ago during a meditation experience just like this one tonight and collectively told me that they loved me. They came from the past, many decades ago. They are nearly all gone now, but I can hear them, I can feel them, and I can see them. Last time they told me they loved me, this time they showed me how to love. Jaime greased parts with love and the parts moved. Jack dealt with challenges head-on with love and love conquered. Karl, Mr. James, and others, each took time for me. They did it out of love. Sure, there was no love at home, but there was plenty around me.
I sat and downloaded it. I felt it vibrate in my soul and become part of my operating system. I got that beautiful, heartwarming, rush of a feeling. It came forward forty-six years and landed softly in my heart and took its place as if it had always been there.
July 29, 2019